If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different. You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Think about how things were and how they will be now. Try to be as unbiased as you can. You might decide that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize. You might think you’ve done this. You might have said you were sorry several times. But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again. Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it. (And hopefully, you do.)
When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up. If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything. Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past. While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the "you" they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped. They were with you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Discover Ten Ways to Save Your Relationship
The petty fights have escalated. The long, drawn out silences are nearly deafening now. You can be in the same bed for an entire night and never once touch each other. There is trouble in your relationship and you both know it. But how can you save it? What can you try before it is simply too late?
The fact that you are both willing to try anything at all is a good sign in my book, and there are ways to save a relationship, but it takes work.
1. Spend time remembering what drew you together in the first place. Did you fall in love with her quirky sense of humor? Did he drive you wild in his football jersey? What exactly attracted you to one another? Find something from your mutual past and use it to reconnect with your partner. Take her to a comedy and club and watch her let loose. Dig out his old jersey and ask him to wear it. Even if you have to pretend to be these people for a minute or two, go back in time to when your love was new. The feelings are still there, they have just been buried under the stress of life. Let them back out.
2. Touch for the sake of touching. When we are angry, hurt or sad, we tend to withdraw back into ourselves. We stop reaching out to our loved ones and that makes them hurt, angry and sad. Reach out and stroke your wife’s hair. Run your fingers along your husband's arm. Allow your hips to gently brush against one another as you pass in the hallway. Just touch each other.
3. Kissing is different from touching. With touching, it can be misconstrued as accidental. There is no way to unintentionally kiss somebody. Women: take your husband's face in your hands, stare him right in the eyes and then kiss him, softly and slowly. You would be surprised how fast passion can melt away anger.
4. Try a change of scenery. Staring at the same four walls when you are angry with someone can make the most beautifully decorated room feel like a jail cell. Go away for the weekend, even if it is only to a local hotel. The change may allow you to relax enough to discuss what is wrong, or maybe it will suddenly seem so insignificant that you forget it completely.
5. Act like you are strangers. Have you ever noticed that we treat perfect strangers with more dignity and respect than we do our loved ones? Our manners in general public can be exquisite while at home we turn into Penny and Paulie Pig, grunting and squealing at our spouses. Doesn't sound fair, does it? Try to be more polite while at home and see if that changes things. Ask sweetly for something and include a "please." Say thank you for tasks completed, no matter how small. Give and receive compliments graciously. Act like you really do like this person.
6. Learn something new as a couple. If you can stop bickering long enough, agree to try a new hobby or sport. Pick up some used golf clubs and go down to the golf course for a few rounds. Hike in the woods, bike on a trail; do something new and possibly exciting and discover a whole new side to your lover.
7. Talk it out. You have pouted for over a week because he did not notice your new hair cut. Unless you hacked off more than six inches of hair, it might be because he did not register such a subtle change as quickly as your female friends did. Then again, maybe he did notice and didn’t really care for it. Maybe the whole point of him not saying anything is because he was afraid he would hurt your feelings. And yet, here you are, with hurt feelings. Tell him about it. He cannot read your mind, so tell him that you cut your hair and that he did not notice. Tell him that you are mad as hell about it. Of course, after he tells you what he really thought about your hair, you might be even madder than that!
8. Write a letter. It might seem strange to write a letter to someone who is sitting across the breakfast table, but if you are not communicating any other way, it might be a safer option. List all the points that you want to make and then write. Don’t worry about how it is worded; you are not going for Wordsworth, after all. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And always remember: do not ever put into writing today what you do not want to be reminded of tomorrow.
9. Seek counseling. If all else fails, try a couple’s counselor. If you truly want to save your relationship, the impartial wisdom of an outside party might be just the saving grace you need. You vent to your friends, and they all agree that you have married a slovenly pig. He vents to his friends and they all agree with him that he has married a soul crushing shrew. A counselor will not take sides and may be able to steer you onto the right path of self healing.
10. As a last resort consider a trial separation. If all else has failed, agree to spend a weekend apart with no communication of any kind. The time alone will give you time to reflect and renew. Besides, you know the old saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
The fact that you are both willing to try anything at all is a good sign in my book, and there are ways to save a relationship, but it takes work.
1. Spend time remembering what drew you together in the first place. Did you fall in love with her quirky sense of humor? Did he drive you wild in his football jersey? What exactly attracted you to one another? Find something from your mutual past and use it to reconnect with your partner. Take her to a comedy and club and watch her let loose. Dig out his old jersey and ask him to wear it. Even if you have to pretend to be these people for a minute or two, go back in time to when your love was new. The feelings are still there, they have just been buried under the stress of life. Let them back out.
2. Touch for the sake of touching. When we are angry, hurt or sad, we tend to withdraw back into ourselves. We stop reaching out to our loved ones and that makes them hurt, angry and sad. Reach out and stroke your wife’s hair. Run your fingers along your husband's arm. Allow your hips to gently brush against one another as you pass in the hallway. Just touch each other.
3. Kissing is different from touching. With touching, it can be misconstrued as accidental. There is no way to unintentionally kiss somebody. Women: take your husband's face in your hands, stare him right in the eyes and then kiss him, softly and slowly. You would be surprised how fast passion can melt away anger.
4. Try a change of scenery. Staring at the same four walls when you are angry with someone can make the most beautifully decorated room feel like a jail cell. Go away for the weekend, even if it is only to a local hotel. The change may allow you to relax enough to discuss what is wrong, or maybe it will suddenly seem so insignificant that you forget it completely.
5. Act like you are strangers. Have you ever noticed that we treat perfect strangers with more dignity and respect than we do our loved ones? Our manners in general public can be exquisite while at home we turn into Penny and Paulie Pig, grunting and squealing at our spouses. Doesn't sound fair, does it? Try to be more polite while at home and see if that changes things. Ask sweetly for something and include a "please." Say thank you for tasks completed, no matter how small. Give and receive compliments graciously. Act like you really do like this person.
6. Learn something new as a couple. If you can stop bickering long enough, agree to try a new hobby or sport. Pick up some used golf clubs and go down to the golf course for a few rounds. Hike in the woods, bike on a trail; do something new and possibly exciting and discover a whole new side to your lover.
7. Talk it out. You have pouted for over a week because he did not notice your new hair cut. Unless you hacked off more than six inches of hair, it might be because he did not register such a subtle change as quickly as your female friends did. Then again, maybe he did notice and didn’t really care for it. Maybe the whole point of him not saying anything is because he was afraid he would hurt your feelings. And yet, here you are, with hurt feelings. Tell him about it. He cannot read your mind, so tell him that you cut your hair and that he did not notice. Tell him that you are mad as hell about it. Of course, after he tells you what he really thought about your hair, you might be even madder than that!
8. Write a letter. It might seem strange to write a letter to someone who is sitting across the breakfast table, but if you are not communicating any other way, it might be a safer option. List all the points that you want to make and then write. Don’t worry about how it is worded; you are not going for Wordsworth, after all. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And always remember: do not ever put into writing today what you do not want to be reminded of tomorrow.
9. Seek counseling. If all else fails, try a couple’s counselor. If you truly want to save your relationship, the impartial wisdom of an outside party might be just the saving grace you need. You vent to your friends, and they all agree that you have married a slovenly pig. He vents to his friends and they all agree with him that he has married a soul crushing shrew. A counselor will not take sides and may be able to steer you onto the right path of self healing.
10. As a last resort consider a trial separation. If all else has failed, agree to spend a weekend apart with no communication of any kind. The time alone will give you time to reflect and renew. Besides, you know the old saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Need some help to get back with an Ex?
The break up was painful and the time apart is excruciating. You think about that man night and day, usually while either sobbing or stomping around angry. Friends have tried to set you up with new men, but not a one of them can hold a candle to your ex and you know he is the only one for you. You have made the decision that you will get back with your ex, no matter what it takes, and give the relationship one last shot. But you need some help to get back with your ex and some moral support from your friends.
Keep in mind the fact that while you were going through the break up and its aftermath, you may have said some things that you wish you could take back. Your friends either quietly agreed with you or added fuel to the fire, but either way, ugly words have more than been said. Before you start pursuing your ex, clear the air with your friends and tell them what you intend to do. Explain that you were angry and that you appreciated their support during that terrible time of your life, but that he is truly the man you love and that their continued support is needed. Being your friends, they will agree whole heartedly and do whatever it takes to help you get back with your ex. Yeah, right! They will have a fit and ask if you have lost your mind completely! After the initial shock, they will come around though.
Next, consider the realistic side of things. Do you want to get back with your ex because you still love and miss him, or is it simply because you do not want to be alone? Are you running back to him because you are scared of the unknown? Did one or two bad dates sour you from men in general? Be honest with yourself and do not allow your loneliness or fear gloss over the reasons for the break up. His bad behaviors did not magically clear up when you broke up, so consider everything before moving ahead. If you broke up in the heat of an argument, that is one thing, but if you simply could not tolerate a nasty habit or another, then you are probably bound to repeat the same, sad cycle.
Do you know if your ex is still single? If the break up was because of infidelity, trying to get him back from the woman he left you for is sad, pathetic and fodder for countless country songs. The old saying “you lose a man the same way you got him” is repeated so often because it is painfully true. If you started a relationship with a man who is supposed to be committed, do you honestly think he will not eventually cheat on you too? If he is not single, then sit yourself down and ask: am I looking for love or revenge?
If he is still unattached, and you still want to pursue him, realize that nothing has inherently changed. He is still the same man; you are still the same woman. The problems with the relationship did not vanish. If you are not willing to talk about your issues, then you are not ready to try to work things out. Clear the air, list your grievances and see if compromises can be reached. If the answer is yes, then go slowly, carefully. Pretend he is someone new and relearn what made you love him in the first place. This time you will be more aware of the things that you know you do not love. Be sure you let him know what these things are before they escalate. Try not to get caught up in the rush of familiarity, and as always, try to think with your head rather than your heart.
Keep in mind the fact that while you were going through the break up and its aftermath, you may have said some things that you wish you could take back. Your friends either quietly agreed with you or added fuel to the fire, but either way, ugly words have more than been said. Before you start pursuing your ex, clear the air with your friends and tell them what you intend to do. Explain that you were angry and that you appreciated their support during that terrible time of your life, but that he is truly the man you love and that their continued support is needed. Being your friends, they will agree whole heartedly and do whatever it takes to help you get back with your ex. Yeah, right! They will have a fit and ask if you have lost your mind completely! After the initial shock, they will come around though.
Next, consider the realistic side of things. Do you want to get back with your ex because you still love and miss him, or is it simply because you do not want to be alone? Are you running back to him because you are scared of the unknown? Did one or two bad dates sour you from men in general? Be honest with yourself and do not allow your loneliness or fear gloss over the reasons for the break up. His bad behaviors did not magically clear up when you broke up, so consider everything before moving ahead. If you broke up in the heat of an argument, that is one thing, but if you simply could not tolerate a nasty habit or another, then you are probably bound to repeat the same, sad cycle.
Do you know if your ex is still single? If the break up was because of infidelity, trying to get him back from the woman he left you for is sad, pathetic and fodder for countless country songs. The old saying “you lose a man the same way you got him” is repeated so often because it is painfully true. If you started a relationship with a man who is supposed to be committed, do you honestly think he will not eventually cheat on you too? If he is not single, then sit yourself down and ask: am I looking for love or revenge?
If he is still unattached, and you still want to pursue him, realize that nothing has inherently changed. He is still the same man; you are still the same woman. The problems with the relationship did not vanish. If you are not willing to talk about your issues, then you are not ready to try to work things out. Clear the air, list your grievances and see if compromises can be reached. If the answer is yes, then go slowly, carefully. Pretend he is someone new and relearn what made you love him in the first place. This time you will be more aware of the things that you know you do not love. Be sure you let him know what these things are before they escalate. Try not to get caught up in the rush of familiarity, and as always, try to think with your head rather than your heart.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
5 Surefire Techniques to Get Your Ex Back
Thousands of people often ponder on this question: "How do I get my ex back?" Often times we found ourselves in a situation in which we cannot control our anger or resist messing up our relationship but after fighting it occurred to us that we still love our fiance or partner and we wish there is something that could settle our differences as the devil we know is better than the angel we do not know.It is often difficult to reach out to our partner bury the hatchet.However, if it is your desire to get him or her back, then you need to understand the steps to take to ensure this happens.But we must understand something first, what causes the fight or argument?
You should start by asking the question, why did my ex leave me? You must answer this question honestly and if you are the cause, perhaps you are not caring anymore or you just didn't respect him/her like you should, then you have to be truthful to yourself to be able to understand the degree of your involvement and how to settle your differences in an honest manner that will prevent future occurrence.
Getting dumped is not something easy to cope with.While it is very logical and understandable to take a step back, think, and assess the situation, at some point you have to gain your composure and be in the right frame of mind in order for you to be able to fix things. If you are able to do this, you are good to go.So,now that you are ready to get your ex back, what are the things you need to do that will help your cause? Below, I identified five surefire techniques you can use to do this.
First, minimize contact.Let the dust settled and perhaps he/she is still annoyed with the whole thing so you have to ensure some distance between you to encourage freshness. If you see each other too often, it might leads to boredom and both of you might just get fed up with the whole thing.Give each other time to think and space to breathe, because they you need that in order to reflect and realize what you are missing after breaking up.
Secondly, try to improve yourself.Be hygienic, take a shower everyday, shave, and make sure that you look attractive. Because as we all know, physical attraction is one of the first things that happen in the start of a relationship. You want to make sure that when you see your ex, they say something like, "Hey, you look good," and not see you as a complete wreck. One good thing to do is, when you wake up, before you start your day, go to the mirror and say, "I'm good looking!" Repeat it a few times, and say it like you mean it. It will then subconsciously produce an inner confidence that you will need.
Thirdly, there was a reason that you and your ex were attracted to each other in the beginning, and this was because of your distinctive characteristics. Thus, be yourself.Reflect on what made these initial weeks or months so special, and try to see what has changed. Sometimes relationships can become tedious because of routine, and you can disregard what it was that made both of you compatible. Learn to put emphasis on your individuality and strive to be the actual person you are. This renewed self-perception of yourself will help you realize the good things you and your ex had in common before that made your relationship blissful.
Fourth,you need to shift stands. Compromising may seem simple, but when you're both stubborn and set in your ways - coming to an agreement may seem easier said than done, but if done properly, it will be one of the most significant things that you can ever propose if you want to get your ex back. But before you do so, you have to let things cool down. You can’t just offer a concession while your ex is furiously shouting at you. So, if all the dust has settled and you can engage your ex in a civilized conversation, then will be the time to propose a compromise, and here are some steps to do it.
Lastly but not the least, you need to be honest.Trust is the bedrock of any good relationship.You have to let your partner know everything about you to ensure easy understanding of each other. It is not a time to hide anything again as this would led to another break up.
Doing the above might seem uneasy but it can get you your ex back.The ultimate happiness is when you are with someone you love.You don't want to just carry on, you can do it.
You should start by asking the question, why did my ex leave me? You must answer this question honestly and if you are the cause, perhaps you are not caring anymore or you just didn't respect him/her like you should, then you have to be truthful to yourself to be able to understand the degree of your involvement and how to settle your differences in an honest manner that will prevent future occurrence.
Getting dumped is not something easy to cope with.While it is very logical and understandable to take a step back, think, and assess the situation, at some point you have to gain your composure and be in the right frame of mind in order for you to be able to fix things. If you are able to do this, you are good to go.So,now that you are ready to get your ex back, what are the things you need to do that will help your cause? Below, I identified five surefire techniques you can use to do this.
First, minimize contact.Let the dust settled and perhaps he/she is still annoyed with the whole thing so you have to ensure some distance between you to encourage freshness. If you see each other too often, it might leads to boredom and both of you might just get fed up with the whole thing.Give each other time to think and space to breathe, because they you need that in order to reflect and realize what you are missing after breaking up.
Secondly, try to improve yourself.Be hygienic, take a shower everyday, shave, and make sure that you look attractive. Because as we all know, physical attraction is one of the first things that happen in the start of a relationship. You want to make sure that when you see your ex, they say something like, "Hey, you look good," and not see you as a complete wreck. One good thing to do is, when you wake up, before you start your day, go to the mirror and say, "I'm good looking!" Repeat it a few times, and say it like you mean it. It will then subconsciously produce an inner confidence that you will need.
Thirdly, there was a reason that you and your ex were attracted to each other in the beginning, and this was because of your distinctive characteristics. Thus, be yourself.Reflect on what made these initial weeks or months so special, and try to see what has changed. Sometimes relationships can become tedious because of routine, and you can disregard what it was that made both of you compatible. Learn to put emphasis on your individuality and strive to be the actual person you are. This renewed self-perception of yourself will help you realize the good things you and your ex had in common before that made your relationship blissful.
Fourth,you need to shift stands. Compromising may seem simple, but when you're both stubborn and set in your ways - coming to an agreement may seem easier said than done, but if done properly, it will be one of the most significant things that you can ever propose if you want to get your ex back. But before you do so, you have to let things cool down. You can’t just offer a concession while your ex is furiously shouting at you. So, if all the dust has settled and you can engage your ex in a civilized conversation, then will be the time to propose a compromise, and here are some steps to do it.
Lastly but not the least, you need to be honest.Trust is the bedrock of any good relationship.You have to let your partner know everything about you to ensure easy understanding of each other. It is not a time to hide anything again as this would led to another break up.
Doing the above might seem uneasy but it can get you your ex back.The ultimate happiness is when you are with someone you love.You don't want to just carry on, you can do it.
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